Dear Lauren:

If she said that she would have gotten your boyfriend a better gift than what you gave him; if that was her response knowing you gave him the gift she was commenting on, then obviously she is competing with you. There is the evidence, in that comment.

The fact that she has the history of cheating on her own husband at the time with a husband of another woman is very concerning, a valid reason to be concerned. She has the history of getting sexually involved with a man otherwise engaged, someone like your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend said there is no reason for you to be concerned about someone that doesn’t mean anything to him, is that what he said? If she means nothing to him, then why is he keeping contact with her? Maybe he can call the relationship with her off, maybe it reached its end point. Good for what it was good for and now, placed in the past.

I would tell him my concerns and ask him what his motivation is when communicating with her. What she means to him. It may also be a possibility that he will resent ending contact with her so not to feel controlled by you, not wanting you to tell him what to do, so pay attention to how you bring this up (gently, as calmly as you can, as non threatening to his sense of autonomy as possible, not arguing and not on the offensive) and pay attention to his responses, listen to what he says and evaluate any significant consistencies and inconsistencies in what he says.

Think before you speak to him about her so that you come across in a way that will encourage his honesty on the topic and not a defensive, less than honest reply.

anita