Dear Jack:

We posted at exactly the same time! Thank you for your comment. (Added after comment below: this may be emotional for you, I don’t wish you to feel pain…?):

I thought about Jack the child and your bullying brother myself last night! I saw you in my mind’s eye approaching your older brother with (maybe) something you made, something you believed he will be proud of you for, you had no doubt. You were pleased with yourself, and being pleased and sure all is well, you approached him (all this in my thoughts and images): “Look, look what I did! Look what I created!” Proud of yourself, smiling, glowing, totally expecting a matching response from him, a big smile, the same pleasure with yourself that you felt. There you were innocent and pure.

Then came his reaction: “That sucks” or “it’s okay” – said with no enthusiasm as he turned to something else. Or “this is wrong (about it), you should have done it this way…”

And there is the shock of that innocent young Jack, not having been prepared at all, not even considering this could have been a possible response.

And then, years later, still, you are prepared, anywhere you go, anything you say, even jumping ahead and putting yourself down first so to soften the blow.

And then I read your comment above: your brother mocking a feeling you had! That pain.

I am hoping that my getting in touch on a more direct level with my own pain, I HOPE it will reduce my otherwise fears throughout the day and night. I HOPE. I must trust the process…

anita