Dear Mermaid:

It is a hell of a thing to change core beliefs such as you have. Old beliefs gone, new beliefs not established yet, hence the conflict, confusion, fear, paralysis… Do you see a good therapist? I think it is necessary for you, someone skillful to guide you at this very unique process that not many people go through- change 15 year old religious beliefs. This is not easy stuff. Changing core beliefs is like a tsunami in the brain. Old beliefs gone, new beliefs not formed yet, beliefs to replace old motivations.

If I was you, I would pretend I was a two years old again, just starting life. At two or three I wouldn’t travel to Australia, I would start at the playground, not a far away land, close by. Start with the small things, the daily things, looking at those things you already are doing with a BEGINNER’S MIND, as if you are seeing things for the first time. In a way, you are. Without the old beliefs you are seeing things anew. So see them where you are, in what you do every day. Make no big changes or decisions.

Therapy and small scale steps, this is what i would do.

anita