Dear Shelly:

I had a chaotic childhood as well. Although not involving drugs. My mother often enough threatened suicide and went on very emotional histrionic displays that devastated me immensely. Chaotic behavior is not strictly owned by addicts. And so I may have some understanding of your situation.

You didn’t choose your parents and siblings and had nothing at all to do with their mental illnesses and drug addiction. You didn’t attract these, you just had the misfortune of being born into it.

Regarding your ex boyfriend- maybe he hid his addiction from you knowing (you shared with him, I assume) your history with drug addicts. Maybe he tried and then he got back into it… In any case, it is possible for anyone not to know a history of drug addiction when it is not ongoing. Then when he went back into it, you did notice something was wrong. I suppose in a future relationship you will remember this experience and wonder if drugs were the reason for the change in behavior.

How do you cope with the abuse received from addicts? You heal from past abuse from addicts and get away from addicts in the present so not to incur more abuse. You stop contact with abusive people, addicts included. How do you stop trying to save them? By saving yourself, by focusing on the … other person needs saving, yourself. By making you the focus of your life, by feeling empathy to yourself and making YOU the most important, by far, person in your own life. That is your responsibility, your obligation, your job… and your privilege.

anita