Dear Divya:

I think it will be an excellent move on your part, to move out and away from your parents AND the highly polluted area you live in. It will be good for your health overall, allergies and anxiety. Once you live away from them, keeping minimal to no contact, you will be able to move forward with your healing, healing that is necessary for you…

You were not born an introvert or anxious… or not smart enough or any of these things. You were born loving. You loved your parents deeply. You naturally reached out to your mother, your father. You stopped reaching out because how they reacted when you reached out again and again. Your mother in particular, when you reached out to her, rejected you or ignored you, disapproved of you… so you felt alone, growing up, alone, again and again. There was no one to comfort you when you were anxious.

The joy, the hope, the energy, all these ALIVE emotions are buried with the child in you who is still ALONE. Alone and scared. How can a child be happy when alone and scared?

There is nothing you can do to receive the comfort you always needed from your parents. You may still be waiting for it. You stopped reaching out actively but you may still be waiting for the source of comfort from where there is none.

Comfort is still what you need, quality companionship where you are validated and approved and respected. You need a face that is looking at you, unlike your mother’s face, with that warm, approving look. Saying in that look: I like you. I like who you are. I am glad you are in my life!

Search for such a person, such people, slowly receive that kind of comfort and give it back, over time. Your hope is in a relationship with someone else, not your parents, not the family members you know.

In my experience, it has been extremely painful (no other pain greater so far) in WANTING so desperately to be loved and approved by my mother and NOT getting it. There is nothing I ever wanted stronger than her love, her approval, her being happy that I was in her life. I carry this pain and I am relaxing into it. It is better for me to do so than to keep hoping for what will not happen, for what I no longer want to wait for.

Post anytime. hope you move out and have the good therapy you need for insight and skills. It is not too late for you.

anita