Dear NSC33:

“Sounds” to me that he is unhappy. Not just with you. Something is wrong.. unsettled in him. He has felt that …wrongness in him more acutely when in your company. So he wants a relief for his distress. For a while he felt calmer when away from you, so he wants more of that calm and less distress. This is what I get out of this. What distresses him?

I just re-read all your posts here. I am thinking he may not know himself what has been distressing him for a while during your relationship. starting before you knew anything was wrong. Obviously he didn’t tell you clearly that something was wrong, or clearly enough for you to notice. He may have said things and you didn’t notice. Maybe he said nothing. I am assuming what he did say, that you are too calm, that you two have completely different personalities, that he is jealous of your attention to your new business, that you don’t have enough life outside of the relationship with him, that you stay at home too much… that all this he told you after the breakup?

If so, he didn’t say anything earlier, maybe trying to not destroy your calmness, maybe not wanting to hurt you, maybe he was confused and didn’t know what was going on with him… maybe he still does not.

The only way to find out is to communicate more. Obviously, there was a failure in communication. You didn’t talk enough. Something has been bothering him for a while, and ongoing, persistent distress and the two of you did not talk about it.

When he said you are too calm he was really saying that HE was distressed, not calm like you. Did he say that after the breakup or before?

I will wait for your reply, if you will reply to me and, if you would like, continue to examine this further.

anita