Dear NSC33:

From reading your posts, I see you as a very reasonable, logical, practical person and that you care for him. It seems to me at this point that he is making a big mistake. That is a shame. People often make choices that are not good for them on the long run just so to run away from distress that needs to be confronted and dealt with.

Like you wrote, you are prepared to fix what you can from your side, understanding there is his side that you cannot fix. The failure in communication is from both sides. It was his responsibility to communicate with you along the relationship what was going on with him and reach out to you.

It puzzles me that he complained that you became too calm for him. It means to me that you were so calm, quiet that his own voices, in his own head, became too loud. If he only communicated with you what those voices were saying to him…

I read that you are scared and love him so much. That you had plans with him and you are still hoping. I wish there was a way for communicating now and getting back together. Do you think it would make sense for you, if what I wrote means something significant to you, about him hearing his own voices louder… if you gently asked him about the thoughts he did not share with you while you were together. What if you asked him about those, telling him you want to understand, not to pressure him.. tell him honestly how you still feel about him, that you are scared and that you want to know what it was he was thinking, all alone, for a long time. Tell him you want to hear him now…?

anita