Dear EK:

A few things you might want to consider before you proceed:

What I write here may be something that seems obvious to you on first examination, but look deeper into this and absorb it if you can: you are not responsible for the pain he suffered in his previous online experience with the other woman.

It is not possible for you to not hurt his feelings. Neither can you minimize his hurt feelings.

You are not responsible for his feelings, not even to his feelings as and after you tell him you are ending your communication with him.

I suggest telling him that you choose to no longer be in contact with him because it is better for you that you do not have contact with him. You can also add that you are sorry for any hurt he may be experiencing. Say it as matter of fact, best you can. Do not go on and on about his hurt feelings, how you are afraid to hurt his feelings, how badly you feel about hurting his feelings, how… maybe you should continue phone conversations so to ease his hurt feelings etc etc. Just: “I am sorry you are feeling hurt”

If you went on and on.. he is likely continue to take advantage of your fear of hurting him and manipulate you to stay in contact with him. He started manipulating you by telling you that you are in denial of your feelings about him. It is clear to me that you are turned off to him because of his physical appearance, if for no other reason. You are not in denial. He is just saying it to confuse you and make you date him… when he is trying to confuse you… he is hurting you!

You, EK, are posting this thread because you are feeling “guilty, sinful and terrible”- your words. This means that YOUR feelings have already been hurt by your communication with this man.

What do you think so far?

anita