Dear John:

You fear abandonment. You fear that you are not good enough and therefore you will be left alone. Being good enough in a relationship is helping the other person. You feel your value, you being good-enough, equals the help you give and the other receives. So to be of value, you have to provide help to a person in need of your help.

It makes sense then that you will be attracted, feel the need to associate with someone who is in need of help, a troubled person, like your neighbor. There, in relationship with him, when together with him, when you see that you did help him, that feeling of value is intoxicating, makes you feel so very good.

And it is understandable. It is a wonderful feeling to feel valuable.

Problem is, it doesn’t work for you on the long run because … the other person has to remain sick and in need of your help and you are lost when not helping him.

I mentioned yesterday that there are valid messages behind emotions. I think that the valid message … I think I get it, but why don’t you try… what do you think the valid message is behind your “addiction” to your neighbor/ friend?

anita