Dear Hannah:

You got scared and of the two options we have as animals, Flight or Fight, you chose flight. So far, nothing wrong with you.

What happened next is you berated yourself, negatively criticized yourself. Like a child who is afraid to go to school, and the parent proceeds to further scare the child: “What is wrong with you? I can’t believe you are such a coward! How can you do this…you are irresponsible…etc etc”

So the child in you gets more afraid because she is now attacked for being afraid and for the natural reaction to fear: running away.

Sure, you need to find a way to live with fear and eventually attend to your professional responsibilities, but what you are doing, attacking yourself is further aggravating your fear and is harming you.

If you want good results, be kind to yourself. Every time you feel fear, turn to empathy instead of hate of yourself.

You asked yourself, I assume, what is wrong with you. Your fear is not what is wrong with you. What is wrong with what you are doing is attacking yourself while you are already beaten. To help yourself, treat yourself like you are a scared child. Put down the whip you have been hitting the child in you with. Instead, look her in the eyes, and say: I understand. It is okay. You are afraid. i understand. I am here to help you. It is okay…

You can’t … get rid of fear. You can change you treat yourself when you are afraid.

anita