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I just want to say something as a man. Say what is most difficult will get you results. People must not be AFRAID or FEAR to be HONEST with their spouse. Your spouse will always welcome honesty just as you will. Tell him how you feel and how you want to be fulfilled sexually. He cares, he will listen. All I am seeing is your fear or a frightened part of your personality holding you back from having a heart to heart conversation with him. Probably its your secrets you are holding that are burdening you. And I know alot about secrets in intimacy. Fear of revealing the secret and pain of keeping the secret will isolate you from your partner. It will stand between you and your partner like a cloud blocking a sun. Until you can say what is most difficult for you to say, you cannot speak from your heart, live unafraid, create health, or receive support from others. You share a secret with the intention to move toward wholeness, new possibilities appear, and your fear does not control you. You cultivate a loving part of your personality and challenge a frightened part. You become who you are instead of who others expect you to be, or who you think they expect you to be. DO NOT BE AFRAID OF THE OUTCOME. It means you need to work and focus on yourself. Great Sex and partnership comes from both of you’ll becoming connected.
Also, the worst things about secrets, whatever is in the dark always comes to light. dont wait till he finds out. Talk to him. Tell him in a counselling session or when he is not drinking. This is the man you married. You have to trust him enough that he would chose to work it out. You are going to have to be patient. You are going to have to be strong.
Say what is most difficult will get you results