Dear Shelly:

Good to get an post by you, 11 days after the last but sorry you are in low spirits. I read a post earlier on this page where you wrote: “I was told daily that I was attractive,that he was never going to leave,that there was nothing we couldn’t get through..” I wish he didn’t say that to you because he did leave you and there was something you couldn’t get through. I can see by this quote alone that he was not perfect. So no, it was not all your fault, of course not. And you wrote above that you were doing so well before he came along… so there is more to the story then ….we both thought there was. Only that the story ended and we can only learn about it retroactively, looking back, as you are doing. And that is fine, lessons to be learned for better functioning in the future.

You had your own issues in that relationship, the jealousy, possessiveness we talked about at length and we were both focused on that but no doubt, there were issues on his end that you, being there, didn’t see at the time because you were focused elsewhere. You are now feeling bitter, a month since the break, probably because there is something to be seen about what happened.

The fact that he was such a devoted boyfriend, going out of his way to be there for you and telling you that he will never leave you no matter what is a bit too much… and it proved to be “too good to be true” because he did leave you. So him being the most devoted boyfriend and declaring he will always be with you was a bit empty. It was fueled by his motivations, maybe to be “the good guy”- I don’t know- but what is obvious, is that his dedication was not based on his own reality but on some kind of a mixture of reality and wishful thinking or pretense or the way he presents itself that is not adequately authentic.

What do you think?

anita