Dear Flower:

When you blurted out that you want to be with him, the words just came out of you, carried freely by that loving emotion- there is nothing wrong with that, it couldn’t possibly be wrong. Those words came out of your true self, pure and clear and loving in their intent. There could be nothing wrong with it.

What happens after the words were spoken were a different thing: you blaming yourself for saying what you felt is wrong. His reaction to your words, if he was more … mature, understanding, he would have reacted differently. So his reaction was wrong. If he understood where your words came from, he would have felt empathy and warmth as well and he would say something about how he feels, something about how warmly he feels about you. Because he was not understanding enough he felt threatened and had to “put you in your place”- that is “oh, oh, not so close, I am not there”

As I see it, he feels closeness and affection for you. He is also not ready for living with you, for commitment. The two are true. At this point his fear of ending up living with you in a committed relationship is stronger than his loving feelings for you.

If and when you communicate with him again, I think it is important to address what happened honestly, for you to ask him how he feels (check your understanding- and mine as stated here- for accuracy), tell him how you feel (that which you blurted out, but be respectful for the feeling.. I wouldn’t even use the word to BLURT, but the feelings you shared at that moment). Through honest communication with him, things will move along in the right direction for both of you.

What I wouldn’t do, if I was you, is ignore what happened.

anita