Anita:
Thank you so much for your generosity. You’re a kind woman.

Getting healthy, both physically and mentally, is my main motivation for being here. I know that what I have done in the past isn’t working. I’m looking for alternatives, but feel stuck in my current situation. He does have a lot of power over me and consumes my thoughts. You’re correct in saying that needs to stop. I 100% agree with you. I do disagree in the fact that my child is unattended. Yes, their priority is lower than their father, and they are suffering in some ways because of that. However, I do work hard to provide them with what they need physically and emotionally. It may not be 100%, but it’s something and I think I need to give myself at least a little bit of credit somewhere along the line.

Earlier, I stated that I feel like I can’t move forward unless he is removed from my life. This isn’t an exaggeration. I wake up thinking about him, and go to sleep thinking about him (and there is nothing loving or positive in my thoughts, just in case anyone got that impression from that statement). THIS. MUST. STOP! Every time he, or something he did pops into my head, I get angry at myself. Then the daily internal battle begins. Every time he calls to speak to our child (which admittedly is less than once a week) my stomach drops and my heart races. Same thing happens when my child comes out with some of his mannerisms, or even mentions him. He has control over my life without even trying, and I hate that. I don’t know what to do or how to fix it.

All I want is for my child to have a great life, and I am single-handedly ruining it because of a single grudge. I’m pathetic.