I have no idea how to answer that question. I can’t personally see a connection, but I guess that doesn’t mean there isn’t one. I’ve never really dwelled on the whole affair thing.

I’ve just spent the last hour typing and deleting, typing and deleting. I really don’t know what else I can tell you. I’m just stuck and helpless to do anything. I can’t change the past, and I can’t move forward without considering him as well. If I want to move, I have to tell him. If I get a job, I have to tell him. If I get a partner, I have to tell him. Yet, he doesn’t have to do squat (well, he should, but he doesn’t bother).

I’m the one who gave up literally everything for our child – he gave up nothing. I’m the one who made the effort and broke my own back bending over backwards to ensure a solid relationship between him and his child – He did nothing. I’m the one who instills morals and values and supports age-appropriate boundaries – He just “wants to be his best friend”. I go to concerts, awards nights, exams, parent-teacher interviews, birthdays, play dates, Drs appointments – I don’t suppose I need to tell you how many of those he’s attended in the last 12 months. Yet, he wants to sit there and tell me he loves his child, and he’d “do anything for him”. I say BS! THIS is why I’m angry. He gets to do whatever the *blank* he likes, whenever he likes, and throw his money away of drugs, alcohol and women while I have a car that breaks down every 5 minutes, still wear my pregnancy clothes because All of my clothing budget goes on my child who has a growth spurt every 6 months, have to fight off debt collectors with a stick on a daily basis, and generally can barely get my foot out of the door most days. As far as I’m concerned, he has absolutely no right to call himself “daddy”, but legally, I can do SFA about it.
I feel like I’m just another example how the person who does the right thing gets beaten with a stick, and the one who’s in the wrong comes out on top. I absolutely loathe what he is doing to my child, and it’s putting so much pressure on me to pick up the slack. I’m not Supermom, but I feel like I need to be and that is way too much pressure for such a fragile person.

I’m sorry for that little outburst, but that pretty much sums up where my anger is sitting right now.