@Ryan thank you again for your response. I can relate to a lot of the things you think and feel. I also have intimacy issues, but I think I went in the other direction. Instead of chaining myself to work, I would chain myself to the people around me. Making the issues of my loved ones my own. I would do everything I could to be there and help them to my own detriment. At some point, I lost myself because all I was doing was taking care of everyone else. I kept hoping that if I was always there for them, they would never leave. This, of course, was not the case. People come and go, and it’s just something one has to accept in life. It doesnt make you worthless or bad or any less of a person. More often than not, the person who left is dealing with their own demons.

What do I do to stop the voices? Thats a great question, and by the nature of my post, I cant admit to having figured it out. However, there a few things I’ve found that help on occasion. Brace yourself – this will be long:

– This one is probably more specific to me, but it’s dance. For me, dance is the one thing I can do that doesnt allow me to think. All I can do is enjoy the music and the movements and my partner, and the voices are silent for those few hours. I would suggest finding something in your life that does that for you. Maybe its the gym, maybe its martial arts. In my experience, it’s rooted in physical activity. The more physical, the more present you are forced to be.

-Talking and writing. This is also a double edged sword. For me, I often have a better understanding of my thoughts when I write them down and reread them to myself. Once I write them, I can objectively sit back and see if the things I’ve written are based in logic or simply made up in my mind from anxiety. With talking, you have to choose wisely. I often make the mistake of talking to everyone who will listen. When I’m concerned about something, it consumes me and it’s all I can talk about. But, getting too many opinions can be just as bad. I would suggest here that you always talk to the person that is the root of the anxiety. More often than not, they can reassure you that your thoughts are not base don reality, and help you to see what they are thinking and feeling which will hopefully help calm you. I also talk to a wonderful therapist who has helped me massively. It’s all about finding the right therapist with the right therapy for you. Mine is also talk therapy.

-Being present is also helpful, but hard to do. What has helped me in the past is keeping a gratitude journal. Write 3 things every single day that you are grateful for, and at some point, you will start seeing so many things around you that are worth being happy about. People, places, nature, etc. The more specific the better. And they must be different every day.