Well, whatever strength you think I may have disappeared pretty quickly. Those last few days I was fuelled by that anger. Now, I’ve hit another brick wall, and no matter how close I think I am to ending this Hell, he throws me another curveball. How can I accept it when he keeps on keeping on? Don’t get me wrong, the anger is still there, but there’s only so much time the body can keep pumping out adrenaline before you crash.

I’d like to go 1 day without stewing over this mess I seem to have gotten myself into. Just one. I was in hospital today (yesterday? I don’t even know anymore) and my phone rings. It was him. Out of all days and all times, he calls me at my weakest and most vulnerable point. I wasn’t even focused on him for the first time in forever, and he still managed to weasel his way into my mind. Like, “Hey! I can sense I’m slipping from your mind. Just a reminder that I’m not going anywhere, and there’s nothing you can do about it”. Coincidence? I don’t know. I feel like the universe is trying to tell me something.