Dear Rita:

Yes, you are doing the right thing divorcing this man: you are doing the right thing by your son. Your son needs to be protected from his father’s violence, physical and/ or verbal, toward you and toward himself. Your son needs not witness his father abuse you and he needs not be a direct victim. It was never right for your son to be victimized that way. It was not right for your husband to victimize an innocent child and it was not right for you to not protect your son from his father.

Time to do the right thing by your son. Attend to your son, to his emotional state- comfort him and guide him through the process of divorce so he is aware and can learn to assert himself, to protect himself in the future from all kinds of abuses.

If you continue to allow this abuse, you will continue to teach your son to accept abuse in his own life and you will not be teaching him how to effectively assert himself.

And then, of course, you will be doing the right thing by you, yourself. I understand that part of your husband is hurt and afraid from issues of long ago, in his own childhood, and you probably see his hurt and fear and desperation at times, and you may feel empathy for him, but remember at those times where your loyalty should be: with your son, with making it so that your son will not suffer as your husband suffers now. See, if you do the right thing by you and by your son, you will make life better for your son and you.

If you stay with your husband, you will NOT improve your husband and you will continue to damage your son and you.

May courage and strength be with you, and please… do post again. I would like to be there for you as you go through the difficult process of separation and divorce from that man.

anita