Dear Anita,

You bring up a very interesting point for me, a human love story. I suppose I do deep down, long to have a relationship with a man. To share my emotions, thoughts, accomplishments, troubles. I also long to be that for a man, to provide him with as much support and love as he gives me.

I feel that I am now in a better place, in which I could give myself the chance to be in a relationship, knowing that I have the habit of choosing men with issues. I realize that now, and strongly try stay away from them. However, I do not see myself being with someone.

I am not trying to rush things. I know that things will happen when they are supposed to, and I am not looking for a relationship right now. I want to devote myself to my studies, my dog, my mindfulness and working on better managing my anxiety. So in other terms, I want to work on me.

However, would I be open to a relationship in the future? In a few years, absolutely. However, I don’t see myself being with anyone. I suppose this comes from being single for over 4 years now, as well as I do not believe I will find a man who will have the same views or values as me, if that makes sense. I don’t know if any man is going to accept that I have anxiety, I guess that deep down I fear that they will not understand why I do not feel comfortable doing certain things.

Also, I know for a fact that I do not want children, ever. I know that will certainly drive away some men, and I am fine with that. However, when would it be a good idea to bring that up when seeing someone? Also, isn’t the point of dating and being in relationship to see if you could spend the rest of your life with them? I don’t see myself spending the rest of my life with anyone if I’m honest. I’m a solitary introvert and I value my alone time above anything else.

I’ve had boyfriends who were popular and great guys and while I cared for them, I just couldn’t deal with their popularity. For example, one was captain of the wrestling team. The other one was homecoming king, class president, and played sports. They were both very popular guys and I couldn’t deal with it. I couldn’t stand that at any point and time, someone would try and talk to them, hug them, shake hands, etc. It was a huge issue for me. That was what drove me away from them.

Ahh, yes, the post about my major. I completely forgot to respond.

“Pace yourself, calm… every day, every moment. It will get easier with practice.” Yes, I certainly need to work on that. I tend to want to rush things. Fear of the unknown.

“If there is something I missed in your post above, something I did not attend to (I have a feeling there is something I totally missed)- let me know.” You did great in addressing my issues. I suppose the only thing that I’m still wondering about is why I feel the urge to have my ex boyfriend see me or get in contact with me, even if I don’t plan to respond to him. I’ll take a shot at answering it myself, and tell me if this makes sense.

When we broke up, he was spiteful, told me I’d never find anyone else. That I wouldn’t do good without him. I suppose he thought I’d fall apart without him. So in a sense, perhaps I want him to see me, write to me, or keep up with me through my Facebook to see how well I am doing without him. But in that case… Why does his perception and validation of me matter so much to me?