Hi Anita,

It wasn’t the counselling I couldn’t take- it was his inaction and unwillingness to DO anything. For example, I moved out for a while and our counsellor suggested we meet once a week and have some kind of discussion to work towards healing the relationship. I asked him if he would like to nominate a topic for the first week. He suggested we talk about some things we each could do as individuals to improve our relationship. Great idea, I thought. Really impressed.
Well, when we met up, I brought up the discussion. He had completely forgotten that we were supposed to discuss something and he had forgotten the topic he nominated. He had not thought anything over to talk about.
Basically our relationship has been floundering for months. During this time I have read books about relationships, tried to do various nice things for us like take him to see comedy or away camping. He has remained surly and moody, and has not done anything proactive or even started a conversation. When asked what he wants or how things can be better he says I control and nag him (just general household and relationship stuff- he has never ever cleaned our toilet, floors, or bathroom, and he never cooks). I try to ask really politely about how we can share chores, but no matter how I phrase it he interprets it as being nagged and controlled. He has acknowledged this in counselling- that this is because of his controlling father, he is hypersensitive to being told/asked to do things.
I have tried to help by just letting things go, but then weeks go by and I get no attention, love, affection or household help from him, so that doesn’t work either.

Inky I hope you’re right- the loss has been very big for me. And I feel abandoned by him as he has kind of acted like it never happened. Perhaps more counselling can help us, because I miss the loving guy I knew before.