Dear Nan

My thoughts:

The opinion, view of your husband and your son about who you are and who women are- these are set and will remain the same whether you stay or go. If you leave the marriage, I guess there will be much.. talk between your husband and son and since your son already refers to you as a skank (unfortunately), he still will afterward. You leaving the marriage will not harm your son:he will still call his father often and talk about his life and sports…and will still call you for books and academic questions, i am guessing.

I am guessing a lot of your son’s attitude about women being “a pain in the ass” comes from his father and so his father, your husband should be relieved that his “pain in the ass” is gone!

I think it is wise to consider the stress to come with the separation and divorce and to plan it so that your high level job will not suffer significantly.

I think you should get a good lawyer to protect your legal and financial rights and to come to a fair financial settlement for you.

I think waiting is not wise otherwise, that it is your fears that keep you in this marriage that is long overdue. I understand fear and I do not minimize it. What I am saying that from my point of view, not having your fears, there is no otherwise logical reason to stay in this marriage.

Even if you didn’t connect with the ex husband, this marriage is long overdue.

And your thoughts…?

anita