Dear BlueHue:

It was very wrong for your sister’s husband and your sister at different times, threatening to tell your boyfriend what you told your sister in confidence. Each one of them is wrong for doing that.

You have no duty, no obligation to have any contact with her, her husband and their child. If you have contact with your nephew, who is about 1, you will have to have contact with his parents. Since you are, as is, not a major part in your nephew’s life, keeping in touch with him living so far away, is going to make no significant difference in his life. Unfortunately for him, he is stuck with his parents and there is nothing you can do to rescue him (except calling authorities for child endangerment if what his parents do fits the authorities criteria).

So, if I was you, I would end contact with your sister, her husband, and in so doing, unfortunately, with your nephew as well. At least until he is out of their home in a couple of decades or so… or if he is no longer living with them.

As far as your mother is concerned, you indicated that your family is dysfunctional. Your mother’s … mothering is part of who your sister is, so she will suffer or enjoy the consequences of her parenting of your sister. I wouldn’t protect anyone from the natural consequences of their actions.

Please do take care of yourself: this is your job and responsibility. If you keep contact with anyone who drags you down, you are hurting yourself and it is wrong of you to do that.

Anything else you invest in your sister and her marriage is going to go unappreciated just like what you did so far, so I wouldn’t keep throwing good money after bad money, so to speak.

Please post again, if you’d like!

anita