Rachelforlove,

I never told him because I guess that happened to get to know myself better but I am feeling guilty everyday and disguted with myself. If I tell him he Will not understand and I dont want to lose him! I have been meditating but it is not enough. ..
What can I do?

well there are only two things you can do, and you know what they are:
1. tell him
2. don;t tell him

If you do tell him, then understand that you made a mistake, we aren’t perfect. What you have done will have a consequence. Everything we do is cause and effect. Be honest with him, tell him what you were feeling. This by no means is a justification, you still made a choice, you still decided at the time that you wanted something more and were (consciously or unconsciously) ready to accept the consequences. Talk about questioning your sexuality (at the time) something that is not a reflection of him. A moment of weakness.

If you don’t tell him, well, if you feel like crap now, your feelings won’t improve. The longer you hold it in, it will mess with you. And it will mess with your boyfriend. The reason we don’t tell people our secrets is not because we are ashamed of our actions, but because we think others might be. And secondly, because we don’t trust them. If you trust your boyfriend, and think much of him, he has a right to know. After all a relationship, in theory shouldn’t be one sided affair.

Anita has posted some good questions, that make me also think about your relationship. I’m not going to assume anything.

What ever choice you make now is up to you, i’m not judging you, nor will judge your actions. What has happened, has happened, nothing will change that fact. How you find closure and move on is your power, the power of choice.

Good luck,
Sincerely,
Matty