Dear Sapnap3,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your father. Death of a parent knocks the wind out of your sails, so to speak.

Getting over the tumult of emotions is quite hard because there are so many, and many times, thoughts rush in to soothe that emptiness you feel over his death. What works for everyone is quite different, so I will put in a couple of methods which I have helped people I know.

1] Watch your grief. What that actually means is – when you feel that emptiness over his death, when it hits you that he is no more, don’t do anything, don’t think anything – thoughts of guilt, of the future, of your loneliness. It is hard because filling up that emptiness is your mind’s natural response. Instead, watch what it does to your body. Feel the sensations in the pit of your stomach, the welling in your throat, feel the change in your breathing – and most importantly do nothing.
You will find that these sensations will pass in 5-10 minutes. When you face it a couple of times like this, it will lose that terrifying edge. This too, shall pass. You are going to be okay. Your body and mind are healing itself even right now.

2] You cannot control or forsee the turns life will take. I have personally known of a man who lived all his life surrounded by his children and grandchildren, and on a trip out somewhere, he passed away on the seat of a railway station, all alone.
Let the guilt go because you didn’t see this coming, there is no way you could have.

3] Don’t decide anything major, driven by the fear of loneliness. I am not suggesting either action – moving away or moving back. Whatever you decide, ask yourself – am I doing this because I am afraid of being lonely or feeling guilty? If the answer is a yes, then it is probably a bad idea.

Sending you loads of love and strength to pass through this very difficult time. You will come out of this stronger and clearer.

Wendy