thank you anita, and i didn’t mean you, but you know how when you search these topics and then go on people’s blogs and see what they say or even with books published they say all these things like “never ever think negative or xyz blah blah blah will never happen for you”. i totally HATE that. all it does is give anxiety, like you gotta be on your toes forever. for life. and then you go ahead and do what they say and you get the total opposite of what you actually wanted out of the universe. now i take it sometimes as “well maybe god saved my ass. he said no to wanted and maybe that’s a really REALLY good thing.” but with this one person that i keep talking about, the main thing is i don’t want to mess this up at all. i’m only 19 and i know that, but i don’t feel like i have time. i don’t have time to wait till i’m however old to get married or whatever. i just don’t. i don’t feel i’m supposed to be here long. not always. and after this person, i give up on love. if they turn out to hurt me or not want me i won’t have anything else i’d be looking forward to. i just won’t care about love anymore. for some reason though i can’t get off him at all. it really annoys me how much i think about him, but it’s not the fact that i’m thinking about him. that’s not the problem. the problem is that i’m trying hard not to EVER think or suppose a bad thing between us will EVER happen. that’d my main problem and i don’t know what to do to help it. i like him A LOT. and i know all i talk about is him and i’m sorry if you’re sick of it. i understand, but it’s something that’s taking me over and i don’t know if i’m setting myself up for another heartbreak or not. that’s what i’m afraid of. to be heartbroken by him. him out of all people.

i think i’ll have to read the intuition part over agin just to kind of discern for myself how i feel when i think of things and then i’ll let you know, but for the worthy: but who are we worthy for? if no one or most people won’t love us, who are we worthy for? why can’t we ever be worthy for the people we like very much?

anita please understand that i don’t think you lied to me, everytime you talk to me i feel how truthful and honest and caring you are. i didn’t want you to think that i thought you ever lied to me. i know that you would never lie to me for sure.