Dear Kathleen:

If I was you, I would first attend to my relationship with the husband. As is, this relationship, it is causing you “huge shame” and “hating myself”- your words, so there is a problem in this relationship. It should not affect you this way. Something needs to be examined and changed. As you work on your relationship with him, you will in the process, be working on your feelings of “complete worthlessness.” It is better to work on the relationship than to discuss the …spiritual concept of human being vs human doing.

If you would like to do this here, please do: why did you refer to him as “my Saint of a husband”? What are the conflicts with him about? What is the nature of the interactions with him?

anita