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What if you don't have purpose or value

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  • #98599
    Kathleen
    Participant

    Hi there lovely people.

    I’m reaching out online because I don’t know what to do in the ‘real world’. I’m going through a really rough time at the moment and I went to see a Kinesiologist to help me understand why, energetically, I was coming across road blocks and obstacles.

    I was told that I just need to be, I don’t have to have a purpose and I don’t need to show value. So, essentially, everything I believed in for myself and everything I have accomplished is total crap. So what’s the point?

    I haven’t cried in over a year and today I’m not able to stop. I feel like I am nothing, I am not worthy, I am not seen and I have nothing to offer. I don’t know what to do now and so Im hoping someone has some ideas.

    Thanks so much

    #98609
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kathleen:

    I don’t think it is possible to not have a purpose, to not want something, is that the message you were told? And you were told to not show value? I don’t understand.

    Everything you believed in for yourself… that cannot possibly be “total crap”

    And it is also not possible that you are nothing, not worthy…

    It is possible that you are not seen, this is true. I know that reality.

    Please do make yourself visible here, on this thread. I promise you that I will do my very best to see you as you are, worthy, valuable, purposeful….

    What is going on, do share…?

    anita

    #98616
    Kathleen
    Participant

    Thank you for responding Anita.

    I’m having a hard time in my corporate job, it’s not a great fit for me and so it’s hard. I’m also trying to start my own business and haven’t been able to attract any clients for 6 months despite feeling like I’m doing what I’ve been told will work.

    I believed I had something to share, a skill and a want to serve. I was told that it’s all crap and that I need to just be in the moment, that all of my efforts are useless and superfluous to success.

    I have a deep, great and core fear of not living my life to the best of my ability (born from finding out I’m a replacement child). Now, I think it’s all just crap and I don’t in fact have much to offer at all. I was challenged on my authenticity, my skill and my value. Now, I feel like a fraud, I have no skill and my value is in ‘being’ not ‘doing’.

    I have lots of tools I call upon to help me in time of need… nothing is working. mantras, crystals, journalling, meditation, walking, yoga… nothing. I can’t help but feel like giving up on what I wanted for myself, quit everything and just live on the welfare and waste my life.

    Thank you for listening.

    #98627
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kathleen:

    Tired of your corporate job, having no success in your small business… you are feeling distressed, defeated, discouraged, angry and you are about to give up.

    Am I understanding correctly: that you place a high value on action, on your doing and accomplishing, helping others..you are driven. And you were told lately that you are a human being, not a “human doing”- that your value is not in doing, and that enraged you?

    I believe that you are a human being AND a human doing, or a human doer. I understand the value you place in your doings. Doing is very important.

    * What is a “replacement child”?

    I will come back to your thread tomorrow as I am not feeling too great tonight. i am hoping to have a fresh brain tomorrow morning. If you’d like to write more, please do.

    Please take care of yourself …!

    anita

    #98630
    Kathleen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you sincerely for responding, I do hope you feel better again soon.

    You’re right. I feel defeated, upset, annoyed and I’m just about ready to throw it all in and go and join the circus (…although I’d have to get myself some circus skills first). I’m not in a good space.

    I was told I just need to let go and ‘be’ but I actually don’t know how to do that. I ‘do’, I get things ‘done’… that’s who I am and just ‘being’ isn’t enough for me. At least that’s what it’s looking like.

    I don’t know how to be, what to do and how I’m going to move on from this. I feel hope-less.

    Oh and a ‘replacement child’ is what I’ve named myself. My sister passed away at 6 months old and I was born 9 months after that, I inherited her name and all of her belongings. I often think my mum would have much preferred my sister to me and so I’m kind of out to prove that I’m worthy of the life I have (hence, the doing)

    I hope this makes sense and isn’t simply the ramblings of someone on the verge of a breakdown…. or as Brene Brown would say, a ‘spiritual awakening’

    THank you again x

    #98631
    Jerusha
    Participant

    Hello Kathleen,

    I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this way about yourself. If you don’t mind me asking…what is your age? What is your business venture?

    I’m only asking because I went through a career/purpose crisis myself in my late twenties (and again in my late thirties). I’m curious if you’re experiencing the same things I was at that time…

    -Jerusha

    #98632
    Kathleen
    Participant

    Hi Jerusha, thanks for reaching out. I’m 32 and have been having mini career crisis for a while, hence the business venture 🙂

    #98666
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kathleen:

    I wish you were given your own name when you were born and new belongings. I feel sad that this was done to you. Can you imagine giving yourself a new name? A symbolic act, it would be. Part of the “spiritual awakening” you mentioned… but that would be nothing but symbolic. The damage was already done.

    It is very common for people to try and prove their worth by doing and accomplishing. But doing and accomplishing is part of being human beings, not something apart from being a human being.

    If when you are not doing, anytime you are not doing, you are feeling badly, anxious to get busy so to feel okay, then the balance is off and it is a problem. Some balance between working and resting, doing for yourself and for others needs to be.

    How was your adult life so far as far as the balance between working vs resting; doing for yourself vs. doing for others?

    anita

    #98683
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear Kathleen,

    I read your post and can relate to how you feel, apart from the replacement child!
    My mother always told me she wish she aborted me and I was never her child, so I know what it feels like to feel unwanted.

    I have been on my own personal journey for the last 3 years trying to find myself and my purpose and I am like you and don’t think the advise of just be is very helpful.

    I too feel lost in life and have no sense of purpose in my life and have worked on myself with flower remedies, to reikei, meditation, yoga, journaling and self heal/enlightenment books.

    I am not where I am in my career and also want to have my own business but lost in what? As I enjoy so many things but lack finances to open business I truly want to do.

    I tend to value my self over my career and I know that my job does not define who I am and I am finding this hard to accept as I have always been someone who has earned good money and been independent, but hated the corporate life.

    I feel there is more to life than this daily grind and feel lost.

    I think journaling has helped me just get out how I feel and be OK with ii and recognising it is ok to feel angry, lonely, upset, betrayed, the list can go on and on and it is good to cry and it is ok to feel your emotions.

    I think one thing I have learnt is to trust my gut instinct and your own feelings and go by that.

    I am currently reading a book called Broken Open: How difficult times can help us grow by Elizabeth Lesser and within the first chapter I could relate.

    I have taken a break from reading it but will start again as I need some enlightenment to find myself and purpose in my life and get rid of this lost feeling.

    I have also learnt in my journey to value your self and your worth as if you don’t, how do you expect others to?

    I hope I have given you some advice or if not some sanity that you are not alone and hope we can both help each other through our journey of lost/purpose x

    #98781
    Kathleen
    Participant

    Thank you both for your responses.

    I really resonate with your story, thank you for sharing.

    I “do” as I don’t feel much worth in just “being” who I am – perhaps I don’t really know. I would consider myself to be spiritually open and aware but nothing seems to be helping me overcome this feeling of complete worthlessness.

    My adult life has been good, confusing. I have a wonderful husband whom I grateful for but often get angry at for little to no reason and again, that sends me into huge shame.

    I honestly don’t know what I need to do or need to be, I’m still just completely empty and lost (and now in the middle of an argument with my Saint of a husband)

    Hating myself at the moment!

    Thanks for listening

    #98803
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Kathleen,

    Have you tried counselling? If not have you looked at flower remedies http://www.crystalherbs.com/consultations.asp they help with deep issues from present to childhood and you can speak to Catherine who will personally prescribe a remedy for you.

    She is based in the UK so not sure where you are based

    http://www.crystalherbs.com/consultations.asp

    Good luck and keep positive x

    #98804
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kathleen:

    If I was you, I would first attend to my relationship with the husband. As is, this relationship, it is causing you “huge shame” and “hating myself”- your words, so there is a problem in this relationship. It should not affect you this way. Something needs to be examined and changed. As you work on your relationship with him, you will in the process, be working on your feelings of “complete worthlessness.” It is better to work on the relationship than to discuss the …spiritual concept of human being vs human doing.

    If you would like to do this here, please do: why did you refer to him as “my Saint of a husband”? What are the conflicts with him about? What is the nature of the interactions with him?

    anita

    #98874
    Kathleen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    There is no problem with the relationship, there is a problem with me in the relationship, if that makes sense.

    I say he’s a saint because he loves and supports me no matter what but my own insecurities and failures bubble to the surface and I take it out on him. He is doing nothing wrong, he simply bears the frustration with myself.

    We have a loving and good relationship but my own insecurities and shame and fear brings him down and it brings us down.

    I hope this makes sense, and thank you for continuing to check in.

    Kathleen

    #98878
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Kathleen:

    I used to dump my frustrations, disturbances, distress on my husband, and I did it big time. I had to learn in the context of couple therapy how to not do that. One of the interpersonal skills I learned is in EAR: communicate with him using Empathy, Assertiveness and Respect. Always respect. I learned over time to take responsibility for my distress and own it… not give it to him to carry. I am used to it by now. He sees when I am distressed, it shows in my face, but I don’t mistreat him when I am distressed.

    When expressing to him how I feel, I will say: I feel this way, not something like: you make me feel this way. And in choosing the words I use, I am not blaming him for my distress, only expressing it.

    anita

    #98880
    BenzRabbit
    Participant

    Hi Kathleen,

    It seems you have unresolved issues from your childhood…causing self-doubt. Please read this short article…it should help:
    http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Worth

    Don’t be so hard on yourself….money and career are not everything. You are blessed with a good husband/relationship and that is more valuable than rubies and diamonds !

    Wishing you lots of happiness !!

    GOD bless !!!

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