Dear Wendy:

I think that your boyfriend, now giving you the “silent treatment” for a week, may very well be a dishonest man.

You wrote: “One thing that he told me repeatedly was ‘Criticism is how I show people that I care. I wouldn’t criticize you if I didn’t care deeply and believe so much in the fact that you have room for improvement’. He believes that he uplifts people…”

I challenge his statement for honesty. One thing parents often say to their children as they beat them up, even severely beating them, is “I am doing it for your own good.” Do they?

I am challenging his intent in his negative criticism. I am suggesting negatively criticizing people repeatedly, as he has done, is not an expression of his love, of his caring deeply for the person. I think he does the negative criticism because it makes him feel good. It relieves him from his own distress, lets him get rid of steam.

Another point is: who is HE to point out to others how THEY should improve? Who made him the authority? Does he has a certificate from the University of Perfection authorizing him to take on the job of walking around this earth pointing to others’ imperfections?

What do you think?

anita