anita,

Thanks again for the guidance. I’m signing up to see a therapist in June when I get back to the states.

I’ve sat on this post for a while and I can’t seem to write from the child’s perspective. At least not at this point. The voice that came through last time was from a place of deep hurt. I know where the source of that hurt comes from and have already come to terms with it. I was bullied at a very young age and I know that has impacted how I accept myself as we’ll as how I view acceptance from other people.

I know that my emotions tend to flare up when I feel I’m having the most difficulty working towards what I value the most – love and connection. I’m in a place where I’ve lost both and am having trouble building up both and it bothers me. The part of me that doesn’t want to write from the child’s perspective is the part of me (I think both the rational and emotional) that wants to actually do something about the hurt. I’m not saying that the child’s voice isn’t valid and that I don’t want to hear it. More than anything, I do not want it to define who I am. I want to be able to move forward without always feeling so sorry for myself.

I accept that at my very worst, I feel lost, without a home, and hopeless. I know that these are the worst fears my inner child clings to, mainly because it hasn’t really tried to embrace other ways of feeling or acting.

I’m guess I’m writing all of this out as a way to talk about my fears (something I haven’t really done at all), as well as try to find ways to move beyond my fears. Perhaps the most important step I’m trying to take is not letting my greatest fears have such an enormous effect on how I view myself and dictate how I work towards what I value the most.

Maybe in my next post I can talk about what the inner child wants.

DH