Dear anxiousangel:

Yes, I do believe that your need to be loved, to be thought of as worthy by others is an authentic need, very much so.

Every human being living in a society of humans, cannot be perfectly authentic. For example, it is a social taboo to go to the bathroom in front of other people… to speak with your mouth open while eating. Going to the bathroom and eating with one’s mouth open are authentic to a baby but soon we are told that these are not appropriate to do and we should adapt to social rules.

What you are describing is taking the adaptation to society too far.

So, over time (and this process of you becoming more and more authentic is going to take time and an amazing amount of patience and gentleness that you will have to practice toward yourself!), you decide what social adaptations to keep practicing and which to no longer practice.

Like breaking any habit, it will take practice of behaving differently. It will fell uncomfortable until your new habit will far ongoing. You develop a new habit.

Thinking to yourself (and writing here, if you’d like), you can come up with specifically with what adaptations to keep practicing and what to no longer practice. As you come up with what to no longer practice, you can practice what to say and do in place of what you used to say and do. You can practice new answers to questions you are asked, and new openings to a conversation.

It is and will be a process, a learning process. Commitment, patience and genteelness with yourself will make it possible.

anita