Dear med:

It is not always a good policy to never give up. often it is the right choice to give up. Depending on what or whom you are giving up. If she is a very impulsive woman, feeling regret about her impulsive acts will not stop her. Such is the nature of being impulsive. At the moment of impulsivity, past regrets are forgotten. Isn’t it so for you when you are impulsive?

There are ways to become less impulsive, to tolerate internal distress without rushing to alleviate it, which is what impulsivity is about: oh, I can’t stand this discomfort, so I am going to do the easiest and fastest thing I can do to relieve my distress!

There are ways to endure discomfort, impulses, urges and instead of automatically reacting to … breathe deeply, soothe oneself somehow (long walk, aerobic exercise, yoga and such)… good psychotherapy can teach all kinds of techniques. It takes work and learning of skills. There are all kinds of 12 step support groups to help people with impulsive behaviors, programs that are free.

Since you are going to give her another chance, keep your communication with her ongoing. Ask her question about how she feels, not questions to interrogate her, but to show interest in her feelings and thought and to get information about her state of mind, her motivations, struggles and such. Ask and listen during this last Chance time. Do your best to show her that you understand her struggles, her distress (as she expresses it to you), that you are there for her. Give it your best shot so to maximize the chances of success of this last chance.

And please post again.

anita