William,
I have not seen any previous posts of yours other than what was posted on March 17. I have been in a similar situation, so I think I have a pretty good grasp on where you are. My question is if you truly feel numb in your marriage and you and your wife are living as roommates for the past six years, why not divorce? As for your girlfriend…she can’t truly work on her marriage if she’s keeping you on the side. If she is really working on her marriage, she needs to make the decision to give it 100% and she can’t do that and still see you at the same time. The fact that she says she won’t get a divorce because she’s afraid of change should tell you something. She doesn’t truly feel safe with you…if she did, there would be no fear. Does your wife know that you’ve been seeing someone else? How does your wife feel about the marriage and have the two of you done everything you can to improve your marriage or are you both ready to end it? None of you should settle for being the “other” woman/man. If you truly want someone else, make a clean break and go for it. Clean up the mess you’re in before you create another one. I found out the hard way that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side…it’s green where you water it. Decide where you want to water. Sorry about all the metaphors! 🙂

Good luck to you!