Dear Ravi:

As you wait, I am here, on this forum, waiting with you.

Your verbal exchange with your mother (I am not calling it a “conversation” because if it was a conversation, your mother would have listened to what you said before responding, and she didn’t) made me think of you getting angry your valuable possessions being touched by others, with dirty hands. Remember you shared that with me?

Jerry is very, very valuable to you. And here, your mother is “touching” that valuable person in your life with “dirty hands” calling her a Horrible Person and your Greatest Enemy.

I think this is a pattern, where things valuable to you, your very feelings, are tainted with words like your mother has done. when you got angry at a friend and said something like: you want her to die so you alone own me, it was your mother you were projecting into that friend, I believe. Is this what your grandmother does as well?

Your response to your mother was reasonable but she didn’t listen. And then she added that it is not important whether you are a good or bad person as long as you study and get a good job.

And she said: “They are taking advantage as you are such a sweet and innocent boy. Whatever you did must’ve been for a very good reason, you can never be blamed.”

What…? Where is the teaching of personal responsibility? “You can’t be blamed”? I agree that in the context of your relationship with your mother you can’t be blamed. Because she is the guilty one.

Save yourself from this insanity, Ravi! You are responsible for your actions. It is important whether you are a good or bad person. Other people are not automatically guilty and you are not automatically innocent.

Will be waiting with you. But will not be passively waiting and hope you will not either.

anita