Dear flyby:

You are currently 35, I understand. You had a 20 year on and off relationship with this man. So the relationship started when you were 15? You grew up with him, you wrote, had the same friends. During these 20 years you had one long term relationship and a few others. At some point he moved to NYC and sometime later you moved there too, not so to be with him, but it so happened. You wrote that his selfish behavior started in NYC. As teenagers you shared friends but in NYC he spent time with you in his apartment and did not mix you and his friends. I hope I got it right so far. You wrote that you believe he was a bad person but at times you saw progress, him trying to improve but each time he improved, it didn’t last long. You think that maybe you represented shame and guilt for him.

You wrote on this thread that you had faith in him loving you because no matter what you kept getting back together. Above though you wrote that he refused to listen when you asked him to stay away so many times before.

Twenty years is a long, long time. And it was on and many times, it was off. Starting at teenage years and now in mid thirties, both having relationship elsewhere during that time. It would be hard to follow the on and off story of all those years.

One point you made is that his selfish behavior started in NYC. Does that mean that the list above, 1-8 applies to NYC and on? When did you move to NYC: how many years ago?

The friends he kept you away from in NYC are not the same friends where you grew up, correct? Did he tell you a about those friends? What did you know about those friends or … how did you know anything about them. who they were..? Did he have family in NYC? Did you meet his family before NYC… so many questions…

anita