Yes, that’s why I have been doing my best to make up for what I did in the past, and make a sincere effort to correct this behaviour. But it feels truly dreadful when I do make a sincere effort and it works for a while, before happening again… sometimes even worse than the previous time. At times it even happened in front of others; I treated her so badly in front of our other friends in a group chat. At that time when we were having arguments due to our differences over the haters, she used to say, “By treating me like this, you’ve shown your priorities by your actions… those haters mean more to you than me and that’s why, owing to your obsession regarding them, you’re treating me like this. If you truly loved me, then you would’ve controlled your anger and tried to understand what I’m trying to say. Do a true brother and sister fight like this in public? Our friends have seen only our fights, will they ever believe that we share a special bond?” Later I did write poems for her and create some gifts which I posted in public for all to see, to make up for this. Now as we know, for whatever reason she’s denying that we even share a special bond. But wasn’t she totally right to feel so hurt? Why would she believe I did make sincere efforts, when the incidents happened again a million times? 🙁

Recently after one of our arguments last month, when she blocked me on our messenger app, my temper flared up again and I blocked her in return and left. Later when things cooled down, she said – “See? I knew it. Instead of trying to understand my feelings and why I had blocked you, you just blocked me in return and went away.” Remembering all this really depresses me and makes me dislike myself. After all, in a relation the male is always expected to be calm, confident and understanding, and to make her feel secure and happy. I cannot be so touchy with a huge ego and short temper. I feel it’s something I truly do need to change about myself, first of all, and think about the rest later. I’m motivating myself to change accordingly for her.