That indeed is the right choice of action. Thanks Anita. It just feels truly bad thinking how bad she felt all due to me, I cannot believe I made someone whom I love so much feel like this. All the more worse thinking the past cannot be undone. No matter how many times I told myself “patience in one moment of anger can save you from a hundred days of sorrow”, I rarely managed to prevent myself from hurting her. But yes, I will make absolutely every possible effort to do it now. At least from March 8th I’ve not used a single swear word, even by mistake. I do believe I can fully change myself, for her. I had already been keeping a diary of sorts to vent my depression; I will now use it to keep the journal of my self-change as you mentioned. A far more healthy and productive pursuit. I do hope she eventually understands I truly care for her and changed myself for her alone.

Regarding #2, I shared my views we discussed with my parents today and they agreed that keeping me subdued like this is the root of my deteriorating personality, anger and lack of self confidence. They told me that recently one of my teachers noticed this and criticized them for the same. They did agree to co-operate with me in overcoming this… let’s hope it comes out good.