Yes, taking a break is what I had practiced last year and for a good while it did work. I had read this story about a monk who sat with his hands folded with a bottle of alcoholic drink in front of him, and told his disciples – “I cannot control my inner craving for the drink from manifesting in my mind, but as long as my hands are tightly folded, the craving alone can’t make me commit any wrong.” I had tried just that. When I was talking to Jerry and any situation seemed to have taken a dangerous turn, I just left the phone aside and went back after cooling down. On some occasions it worked… and on others, when the thing got too far, the inner voice yelling “coward” forced me to react. And sadly cooling down sometimes takes time for me too. Like after our last argument, it took me 2 days to get off the anger, that too after she sent her soft message.

I don’t consider myself intelligent or anything. 😛 But ya, an emotional fool I surely am. At least I didn’t know what to do when they – someone I love very much – staged a drama, after I had said that doing something else is better than staying in that college, saying – “I hate this wretched life, I hope I (insert horrible fate) so that in my next life I can get a doctor for a son”. And after I broke down, hugged me saying they did the drama just to elicit this response from me, and are sorry as they have my best interests at heart. I really didn’t like it but I did not have the heart to say or do anything except going with the flow. I’m bearing the consequences now… in fact, we all are. I just do not wish to see my career go down the drain and even more not see myself losing Jerry. I will definitely take charge.