Dear dreaming714:

Reading your last post makes me think more on this good topic that you brought up. How to handle this reality you encountered with men in dating interactions and relationships: the lies, grandiose empty promises, the not following through…

I would say: first eliminate interactions with men who see you as a sexual object, a conquest to be won and abandoned when done. I know from personal experience how humiliating this is, for the woman. So eliminate those first. How? Learn about the men and don’t get physically intimate with a man until you are reasonably assured this is not the … kind. Ask questions, not as an interrogator (that will invite lies), but gently, in a way that maximizes your chances to get honest answers. Basically you ask the questions in a way that is not threatening to the man, in a way that doesn’t trigger him to ..defend himself with lies. If you want, we can practice such questions, examples of such.

Second, in the courtship, men are interested in something. Sex may be all (above paragraph is about that) or some. But there is always something they want, so they sell themselves, like salesmen. (Women do that too). So learn to detect what is a Selling Statement and what is an authentic statement. This is part of being a critical thinker, critical reader, critical listener. It is a skill you can develop further, and get pretty good at it.

Nobody, I believe, can eliminate the possibility of being manipulates, but we can minimize the chances the best we can.

Thoughts?

anita