@tom, you words strike me right in the middle mate. I tried to do what you said but in different way, which odd but somehow it seems work…each morning I drive to my workplace ~1 hour with heavy traffic ahead (~15 minute when I travel back home) and during that time I did what I usually did in the past (odd why I forgot that method, it is a method I reveal to heal myself what I was in a post breakup in my 1st relationship)…so this method involved in what people might assume that I’m a bit insane somehow; I talk to my self…telling the story of me and my current problem, and while doing that I actually start reflecting what went wrong, what to do, did I make the wrong mistake or whether the decision I make is the right way to do. It is more like when I’m in such sorrow, sadness and what not, it is all about my emotion that were talking. Then when I’m reflecting back what was happened (like you advised me to write down things, I did it my talking to myself), it was more like I analyze the situation using logic and good temper (maybe not so good temper).

“..More like I wanted someone in my life that would value me and validate me, make me feel important..”
^ Tom that phrase just feels right, and yes I somehow realize that it’s one of my flaw in life that I always trying to resolve..the cause of that were possible due to childhood trauma for being a bully target in the past.

But tom, you did enlightened me, telling what I’m missing about what happen in my case, thanks buddy.

@tin,
“…i went through a lot after it, scared of being left alone, feeling unwanted and abandoned ( the break up was due to him finding someone else) until i came to point when i was looking at myself in the mirror reflecting on the dangerous things i have done just to avoid being alone, like a light bulb, it dawned on me that it wasn’t people who think i can never be enough but that it was myself who thinks i am not enough for my own…”
^dear tin, it was just like that the feeling we experience were just identical or was it just the nature of human? oddly I started to sketch and draw again after years left my charcoal and canvas in storage room, it did ease my “uneasiness” a bit. After a couple of sketches, I was like “wow”…my sketches are better that how it was hahaha maybe I’m just trying to comfort myself, nonetheless it works.

@people, to be honest, I never ever want to be in such an affair however I can’t really lie about my feeling and nevertheless this is such consequences that I must take as the result of my past decision. But I do feel relieved somehow that I’m not alone, and I’m glade I found this forum which I can share and gain strength somehow 🙂

life must continue on as it never pause itself just for you, I shall keep posted if there’s update. I will survive for a while through all the words by Tom, Tin and Gnanu 😉