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I had this before.
For most of my life I had doubted myself. I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. I grew up in a family who encourage self doubt as a result until I turned 20 I was still living with them with a constant voice in my head that says “don’t fool yourself you can’t do it”. I could not get a job because after I was denied once, I had quit, thinking it affirms what the voice in my head was saying. I wanted to get the best education possible, but just like my job search I had given up before progress can be seen.
Last year I decided to abandon all of that. I told myself if this is all life has to offer me then I might as well die trying to get out of it. So I moved out of my parents house, attended the best community college there is in United States(#1 City College Santa Barbara City College) and decided to start my journey from the very start. I have no money nor support from my parents I just tackled life head on.
It was the best decision I have ever made in my entire life. I had found so much more meaning in my life. I wake up every single day with overwhelming drive to achieve my goals. Fast forward to today one year later, I currently have a 4.0 GPA, starting my own blog site, and developed very strong relationships I had never had. I will soon have a job and be able to support myself independently. But most important of all, the voice in my head that says “I can’t do it”, have been replaced with “I can, and I will”.
I will be homeless over this summer because it’s summer vacation and there is no financial aid over the summer but to me it’s all okay. I know that this will only be temporary and I will get through it no matter what I have to go through. I know my dreams will eventually come true.
The point is to trust yourself. Have your vision so clear nothing can stop you. Guess what, in the end its your life and if you cant achieve your dreams then what is the point of living. It is better to know you went out there in the field and failed rather than being safe in your shelter never facing your fears.
You say you don’t want to fail is a foolish thought. Know that you will fail, you will fail over and over again but you know what-that is why you will succeed. It is ok to feel fear of failure and it sure is ok to experience it but it is never ok to let it beat you.
I wish you the best my friend, remember to go after your dreams with full force and don’t let anything stray you away from it. Do that and success is not a probability but a certainty.