I also didn’t have a father who wasn’t around while I was growing up. This for me, was a contributing factor into what I believed about myself and the behaviors and relationships I chose to do/have in my life. His absence influenced me and my way of thinking in ways that I am still learning about to this day. I have done therapy, and it helped me tremendously. I have also read many books on forgiveness and self-love. I would recommend both to you also.

I have been where you have been. The self-doubt, using passive-aggressive behaviors to show my displeasure (cold-shoulder, silent treatment – a favored response), the distrusting of other people and their intentions, and the underlying belief that I didn’t deserve to be in a healthy relationship, so I chose men that were not going to treat me well or I pushed the good guys away and outta my life. I had the “conversation” too with many of them. The problem was I needed to have the conversation with myself. I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t love myself. I didn’t know how to stand up for myself or ask what I wanted/needed from anyone. I didn’t have the tools, and that is what therapy gave me. I didn’t start to change, until I started to look at myself, my beliefs and my behaviors. I didn’t start to change my behaviors until I started asking myself the hard questions. Such as, “why do I believe/feel that _____ will hurt me or leave me?” and follow that answer with, “is this a true statement?”, and if it is true (or untrue), “why?”

You asked “Could someone shed some light on how I can trust him more or stop my mind from running rampant with all the horrible ways this relationship could end? I really don’t want it to but it will if I can’t find some way to trust him and get more confidence.”

My response to your question is after all that rambling is: You, Chelsea, need to learn to trust/love yourself first before you can really, truly trust/love anyone else.