Thanks for sharing your experience, Phil.  Yes, I do have a hard time letting go and forgiving.  I’m trying to see it as a process, doing a small step as often as I can.  Letting go of the anger and resentment is easier than forgiving, but I think it’s an important part of the process.

I think you’re right that it’s an issue with boundaries.  The difficulty I had was that from day one, my parents would not let me set boundaries.  They were very rigid and controlling, and needed everything to be done their way.  So when I grew up, even when I learned how to set boundaries, they just were not having any.  I would have had to throw a tantrum or be violent in order to maintain a boundary, and I wasn’t willing to do that.  I chose instead to talk my therapist’s ear off, and she was infinitely supportive, helping me make it through the rough spots.

I suppose it built character; at the very least, it helped me learn a heck of a lot about dysfunctional families so that I could write about them.  : )

I’m glad you’re no longer in that relationship, and I hope you’re in a much better place now.  I wish you all the best — you deserve it!