Oskari,

I’m sorry for the difficult time you’re having, love can be painful in its coming, remaining and passing. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Often times when we are in pain we get confused. The mind races and fills up all the space, so we cannot even see a foot in front of our face! We try to heal the pain by settling the confusion. Said differently, perhaps in getting “closure” you are really looking to dispel the confusion thinking it will heal the pain. This might work, but usually only brings up more pain, more questions.

Sometimes we have to yank out the arrow at the source, and deal with the pain directly. To do that, you have to accept the confusion is present and the pain is present. Then you can see the truth.

She was in love with you, and now she is in love with another. That’s how it is… as much as you want to struggle against it and know why and how and what did I do and how could she and 5 years and on and on… she’s moved on.

So, you’re left with the pieces of yourself and the confusion. If you think back to a few moments ago, a day ago, can you see how you’ve been running around a maze in your head? There is so much unknown that you imagine all sorts of answers, look for all sorts of escape routes. The problem is it is a maze of mirrors… there really isn’t a way out by walking. You have to let go of the whole maze.

Something happened while you two were apart. What and why and how don’t matter, they won’t make you any better off. What can make you better off is cutting off all the spinning thoughts. Drop the maze altogether. If you can accept that she was in love with you and now she is in love with another, then you have the truth and the way out.

When your mind starts spinning and you get sucked back into the confusion, just tell yourself those simple words and breathe. “Breathing in I know and accept the truth of what is here, breathing out I let that truth heal my painful feelings.” Over and over, and with time, the confusion will settle and with it, the pain. How long depends on your mental strength and various other factors.

This will also work when you start spinning about the loss of the dreams you dreamed with her by your side. “Breathing in I see and accept that dream isn’t here. Breathing out I wish to let go of the old dreams and become the truth of who I am.”

With warmth,
Matt