Hey Oskari,

Everyone who has replied to you has given you really practical and great advice. I’m really sorry this happened to you. This happened to me almost a year ago. 5 year relationship, but was always long distance. I really understand how you feel, however cutting off all contact is probably the best advice anyone has ever given me. 5 years is a long time and having had a hard time in a new country, of course you would think of the person that made you happy. Now is the time to focus on yourself and other aspects of your life. Take the time to start loving yourself, it is time to be your best friend. Just think of what you would have told your friend if this happened to them? Apply it to yourself. What do you enjoy? Go out and rediscover, or better yet discover what you like! Go hang out with friends, go out and meet new people!

What I’ve learned over this past year was when you are apart from someone, you can’t grow together and you both will change. Relationships are about learning about yourself and what you want in your potential partner, you grow with each relationship you have. Basically you are getting ready for your “meant-to-be” partner. Cherish the good times you had with the person, but don’t dwell in them. I know it’s hard, I’ve been there and some days I go back there. It’s a journey definitely, but each day that goes by it gets a little easier.

As for running into her and her new man, can’t say I’ve encountered my ex yet, but just be calm and focus on being present. Don’t think about how to act or react when she is around, just be patient. You don’t need to say anything to her. Go about your day like any other day. I know it’s going to be hard, but be patient with yourself.

Just putting it out there: what will change for you if you do have the opportunity to talk to her about what happened? It might be like ripping a band-aid off if you do talk to her about it.

Remember what you decide to do in the end is really all up to you, but please be kind to yourself. You’ve got to be your own number one fan! I’ll be rooting for you! Keep your chin up.