Thanks Maddy.

I’ve been very luck in that the relationships I have had thus far have been very authentic. At least on my end, there’s always been striving towards making a soulful connection by being open, honest, and vulnerable. With that however, comes pain and sadness, when for emotional, psychological, physical, intellectual, and sometimes even practical reasons a long term connection isn’t there.

To Justin’s point, I think I may also being dealing with issues of self-judgement, guilt, and shame as to the pleasure I get from these relationships without feeling the need to commit to a long term relationship or marriage right away. I honestly do try and be open to the possibility, put the time and effort into it, and search for the feelings within myself to tell me, yes, this is the one. But if they’re not there, they’re not there, and I simply have to walk away. That doesn’t make me a bad person, does it? See! Once again, feelings of guilt and shame. Where is this nagging voice coming from? I’m going to journal about this one and see where it goes.