Hello Tai.

Thanks for writing this, you are by no means alone in that struggle; I have been on it for years and years and I know how eroding, tiresome and hurtful it feels.
There is something people say in my country when someone criticizes one´s behaviour and is “You do not feed me, then why should I care?” it may sound funny, but what it means is simple: the only opinion that really matters is the one from people that feeds you, not only in the material way but also in the emotional way. Is a good first step towards freeing you from approval need, to reduce the circle of people you want approval from, then reduce it more and more until you do not need approval from anyone except yourself.
I hope you find this useful to relieve you from that suffering. Best wishes and deep gratefulness.