Who says you have to just come out and open up with this person? That may actually harm your relationship. Most people that I know of won’t like criticism even if it’s said in the nicest ways possible. Instead you can gain cooperation in gentler, kinder indirect ways which inspire better behavior rather then punishing bad behavior. If you want people to do something differently, try figuring out what they desire and or what they fear and then you can use it as leverage.

Peoples words, actions, and behaviors will help you learn they want or need. Observe it. If they shout a lot, and make demands then what they are really saying is, “I feel small and inferior and need to feel important.” Now you have leverage. Do things like offer them choices instead of requests, but offer your choices in a such a way that gets you what you want. Subtly emphasize the cleverness of option A while downplay the importance of option B. Chances are you know ahead of time which choice they will make. You can also do things like play into their ego but you have to be subtle about it. The more important you make them feel the less they will act out. Also dole out your approval of them in such a way that they have to work for it otherwise they will get spoiled.

There are a few other things you can do like consciously changing your tones and expressions to change the mood of the person around you. You would be amazed at how people will mirror you. For instance when I am around angry people I soften and lower my voice and smile gently to create a sense of serenity. Within a few minutes they begin to calm down all the while building trust. Eventually they will start making better choices.

Also you can do things that will inspire people to act towards you differently. Become less available but not completely out of reach. That will make you seem more valuable. Be mysterious. That will make you seem more unique and therefor more valuable. And when you start becoming predictable change it up. Also don’t make many requests but when you do wait until the timing is right to make your big requests. Figure out when such person is most receptive to listening.

There are so many ways you can go about it. Get creative make a game out of it 🙂

Here is a quick summary…

1. Observe the persons behaviors, words, actions
2. Figure out through that what they want (usually it’s to feel important, powerful,loved, smart etc…)
3. Create incentive
4. Take the initiative
4. Ration accordingly
5. Get creative as needed

You don’t have to do it the way I recommend but you don’t have to be direct all the time either.

• This reply was modified 11 years, 5 months ago by Tera.