Caitlyn,

What does your boyfriend say about the cousin? The wisdom that seems most resonant here is from the bible paraphrasing matthew. First, go to the cousin and try to settle it. If that works, congrats! You’ve gained a family member. If that doesn’t work, ask your boyfriend to speak on your behalf. If that doesn’t work, all you can do is let it go.

Consider that if his family is afraid it will be you or them, it might be causing real stress for them. We all act less skillfully when overly stressed, and so you don’t have to make it about you. They would probably act the same if he wanted to move away for any reason. Seeing that, and being at peace with it, is a major hurdle on the path of letting go. Its not about you, it is OK and rational to let it remain about them! 🙂

Is there a plan for long term togetherness? Are you moving closer to be with him or is he moving closer to be with you? Is it unsettled? The answer to that question kind of determines how to approach the attempt to heal the intimacy with his family.

With warmth,
Matt