Daniel,
My advise comes with a desire to be helpful. As a nurse, one aspect I would like to ask you to consider is that during your extra marital sexual activities (not a judgmental term, just trying to say it in a socially acceptable way), you may have been exposed to a communicable disease. My suggestion would be to go to a doctor and ask for STD & HIV, Hepatitis testing. Hopefully you will be clean, but in the event that you have contracted something, you then need to face the fact that you might have put your wife’s health at risk as well as your own. If something is diagnosed, you need to search your soul about doing the right thing by telling your wife so she can get treatment. Withholding that information could make her ill.
If all is well and both of you are health! Congrats! But I wonder if sharing your burden with her and telling the truth, might lift 1,000 lbs from your shoulders. I know it is risky because you don’t know if she will forgive. That is the risk you take. But you took the risk when you chose the behavior.
If she is able to forgive – just think how much richer your relationship will be. Sharing what deeper reasons made you reach out to others in this way will only ensure that you try not to ever repeat the pattern. I can’t of course promise a good outcome! What do I know of the result! I just think it would incredibly hard to keep that secret forever. When and if the time is right – you might trust that your wife will have the capacity to forgive. You might have to work really hard on making that happen. She will go through many scary emotions, normal to feeling betrayed. But if you really love her, and are sorry for your actions, you can make it right.
I wish you luck and happiness in any choice you make.
Pat