Ingrid,
You pretty much described my life, and just recently I figured out a way to break free from that habit. I agree with Jeff totally, he has made some very good points. I was looking on the website everyday see if he has been online, and he disappeared on me with no explanation! Not even a goodbye. My friends told me you need to contact him and demand for explanation he owes you that, but I knew myself and my pattern, and I was tired of it. So I did nothing, I felt like if he wants to be with me he will contact, nothing can do will bring him back, but I waited and tortured myself for a month, so finally the other day I realized;
It is getting harder to hold and wait than to let go, so I just did. I signed off that website, and stopped checking him all together. I am still sad and I still remember things and miss him, but I see it as a past, IT IS THE PAST.
This is what you should do as well, be sad, let yourself to grief over your letting go moments, miss the good times, but see it as a past, it’s done. This guy is keeping you around for rainy day, let him go. rip off the bandaid.

You said you know what you have to do but you can’t do it. So listen to your heart, it is your heart that wants to let go, it doesn’t’ want to hold on! That is your ego tricking you to think that is your heart, IT IS NOT. Remember what Caroline Myss says; It’s that voice that we don’t want to hear is our intuition… you know what to do, btu your ego is making you weak. Your true self don’t want to be with him, and I don’t believe you are in love with him anymore, you are just holding on to a pervious feeling and long time habit of loving him.
This trick has worked for me few times, anything you do for 21 days you will get use to it. Practice loving yourself for 21 days, you know you love yourself and not him, you know that.
Remember whatever energy you give out, you will receive back. Be that cool confident woman that your ex fell in love with, and you can attract a guy that deserves you. You don’t know what you want from your life because you have been living your life wanting to someone else’s desire(this is what I have been doing as well) And I finally broke free from it.
I made a decision last month, I am banning myself from going out with any guy, I am not allowed to want a guy or think about a guy or be with a guy or need love froma guy until I am totally happy with myself and my life. It’s like being an addict, me and you are addicted to love, we use love as to feel good about our lives, and it doesn’t work. It gives you a drunk feeling and it is not real.
I am working on building my life without anyone’s help, any guys attention, it is hard, cause I am breaking a long time habbit, ever since I remember I had attention of guys, and it was easy for me, so I got use to it, so I didn’t pay attention to myself, and my own life. I know, it is hard to break the habbit, but this is called a breakthrough.. the first step is to realize it.
I think you have been given the best gift of your life by your ex. And your heart has realized it but your ego and fear doesn’t wan to let it go.
Practice this and see how it turns out, you got nothing to lose; There are no men in this world, make yourself happy 🙂
I could write forever cause this is what I am working on as well. Let me know if you need to talk more I’m here
Love
Danubelle
http://www.danubelle.com